I do love a good list! Here’s my special top ten of things you really shouldn’t dwell on…
1. How frail the human body actually is:
There are 78 organs in the human body, out of those, 13 are major. Imagine, if you will, those organs mushed together, encased in breakable, chip-able, crack-able bone cages covered in thin squishy blood flushed skin. If just one of those major 13 shuts down, you’re toast. If any other minor ones decide to go on strike, well you’re one step from the toaster. Wherever you are now, stop and imagine all those organs nestled in your very breakable body – but of course, don’t dwell on it all too much.
2.The End of the world
We’re rapidly approaching Dec 21st 2012 – the day the Mayan calendar stops – could mean something, could mean nothing – but someday, somehow, the world will end – it’s inevitable. Whether the sun explodes and burns us in its death throes or some mad scientist lets loose a zombie apocalypse. No matter what you believe, the end, at some point, will be nigh. There’s just no sensible point in trying to predict it – if you’re wrong you look like a fool, and if you’re right, well you can’t exactly say “I told you so” to anyone.
3. How much you just ate
You’re feeling sated, you’re staring at the empty junk food packets splayed out in front of you like multi-coloured greasy confetti. Each packet’s calorie count begs to be read, but you can’t even be bothered to bend and retrieve them to add it all up. Don’t think too much about how you got to this overly full, satisfied state – just enjoy it. After all, it just might be a prelude to a major organ failure, or a hungry hoard of zombies could be pawing at your door!
4. Time wasted on TV
What might have been achieved if television had not be invented? What would the world be like now if all that time spent in front of the TV was allocated to something more productive? We’ll never know. God forbid we ever go back to having to simply listen to the radio for amusement. TV is great, it relieves stress, gives you information and keeps people off the streets; hopefully that mad scientist zombie creator is far too engrossed in watching ‘The Walking Dead’ to finish their undead research. So grab a bag of something salty and switch on your TV, just don’t think of what else you could have done with that time!
5. How much sleep you get
Apparently you can go without sleep for up to 8 days without causing irreparable bodily harm. Within that time though you’ll: lose your powers of concentration, start to shake, have memory lapses and probably vomit a lot. The average person needs at least 8 hours of sleep a day to function – however trying to fit in all that TV and snacking could mean that we’re all getting a lot less. Lying in bed at night worrying that you’re not getting enough sleep, could ironically lead you straight into the arms of insomnia!
6. What’s in a hotdog
I like hotdogs, so I’m not even going to look this up to give you the answer. I’m betting that all the rumours are probably true – but hey, as long as they’re not made from zombie meat – and they’re served in oblong buns (for some reason it just doesn’t feel right any other way) then eat away!
7. The Past
It’s said that those who do not learn from their past are doomed to repeat it. But dwelling on past mistakes and regrets can really mess with your mind. What’s happened can’t be changed now and so looking at your presence (the one thing you can change) has to be the way forward. If you’re one of those people who play out past events over and over in your head to examine what went wrong and what you could have done to change the outcome – then stop, reliving old miseries can give you a strange morbid sense of pleasure, but dwelling on the past will not help your present, and certainly not your future. Which brings us nicely onto…
8. The Future
If you can’t change it, then stop worrying. The future is always dancing just out of our reach – we never get there. The present is your only friend, embrace it. I always loved the saying in ‘How I Met Your Mother’ – “That’s future me’s problem” – words to live by, or an excuse to act like a ass-hat right now – you decide. However if you are that mad zombie creating scientist, then DO think of that undead future you’re about unleash on us all! As long as you’re not said scientist person, then only dwell on what you can change, not what is out of your reach.
9. What you haven’t got.
We all want something we don’t have. It can be as simple as money or even just more time (in front of, or away from the TV) I’ve never met a person yet who is just truly happy with what they have. It’s been drummed into our modern nature by clever evil marketing people – want, want, want; the latest gadgets, fashionably clothes, perfect body (women especially are never happy with their boobs, they’re either too big or too small – there is never just enough boob – in nature anyway) So dwelling too long on what you don’t have is a sure-fire way of demeaning what you do have.
10. Your exes.
The one that got away…how romantic. The hard truth is – you’re not with your ex because it didn’t work. For whatever reason they dumped you (isn’t it always the ones that dump you that end up on this list?) because your relationship wasn’t right. So, I give you this final piece of advice, dwell on the past with your ex and identify all the crappy things they made you feel. Dwell on the future you might have had with them and how awful it would be to be with someone who makes you feel so bad. Dwell on all the TV time and sleep you can do now, without them taking up your free time. And, above all – dwell on all their organs exploding at once and their juices being sucked up by a hungry hoard of zombies.
Have you got a top ten list you’d like to share?